Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
