no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This is the high leading the old right now
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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