I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
