i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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