um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
