clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
