I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
