dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
