just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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