yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm passing your future prison.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
