i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
