Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
