i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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