she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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