There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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