Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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