a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
