On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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