dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
