Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
