Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
