No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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