do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
