So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
