I'm going to jail i love you
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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