I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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