Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
