haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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