In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
