hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize