she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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