I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You're completely useless in the revolution.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
