Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
