the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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