In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Randomize
