I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize