I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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