IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
