it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i love accidental penises.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
