From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
