I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
