there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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