Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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