I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
