I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
