Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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