dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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