Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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