she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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