Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
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Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.