Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You've changed since you got that strap on
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
