i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
