Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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