So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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