I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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