Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
