Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
