I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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