I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
