I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
