It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
