Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
