when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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