Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
